Dirty Jokes - you have just been warned

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!" she said.

"Look, don't worry," he said. "It will be quick, I promise you."
"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it."

"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"

"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you like it too."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or I'll have to blow him but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.'"

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A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee."

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."

She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.

He shouts in horror, "My God Mary ... have you changed your sex?"

"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."

Forgetful

I think i am a fantastic good employee but the bad part of me; forgetfulness, is a dangerous weapon that works against me. Sighhh.. It seems that i'm getting worst. On top of that, i'm disorganised.

Hopefully, i can do better job before i ORD.

I had finally sent her letter, and hopefully the thai wouldn't throw my letter away. =x

I called her too. Her voice was sweet. (of course la!) we chatted only a few mins but it seemed pretty long lor. I recorded our conversation down and previewed it to Yuanqi and Jeremy and both laughed their asses off. Ok, i admitted it, me too.

We will be having a skit tomolo and despite that i am a C6 O level Eng Scorer, they are willingly to accept me as a narrator. Anyway, I'm kinda prepared for tomolo though i might still be a little afraid.

and oh BTW, pls look at the extract below:

Pressed 52637 using the dict function in SMS. It spells "James"

therefore, she concludes that James = Lamer and since i called myself James Bob, therefore James Bob = me and in the end i'm a lamer.

thanks hor, YJ. But dun worry, I'll still treat you nice.

I'd decided to book air tix to thai on May and i'm not interested whatever the result will be from my mother. My trip will be from wed to mon. So, I tell my mum that there will be Exercise from wed to thur. and I will be working on fri. But, i will be going to 21st bdae chalet after work and will be back on mon nite.

Sigh. Hopefully this plan works. Never once i went for overseas alone, i was in a peace of mind. I might be even worrying when i am at thai then.

ATTENTION:
I'm requesting readers to submit a proprosal on ideas of bdae present, hopefully, DIY type for a female. Deadline closes on 16th May 2007. Successful applicant will be awarded a free lunch at his/her preferred choice.

So, why wait?! Come email to: weida.peng@gmail.com

my Bro's back

Hmm, my bro is back from Brunei after his overseas training trip today. As such, i will lose my little bit of freedom in using computer as and when i like.

so, if i'm gotta blog, that will be on weekdays then.

wanted to blog something a few days ago, but upon logging in, i suddenly forgot the topics i intended to blog.

this week highlights:

• Bro's back from Brunei
• Elyn's birthday
• Crash lecture in SIM

It's quite sickening for M1 to take 3 working days to activate my acct to make overseas call. and it's the 2nd day now. So, hopefully, i wouldn't take long to receive their call.

Well, i should just jolly well book the air tix to thai and ignore my parents' plead to stay in singapore. Spending $400 over in thai for 5D 4N, can consider quite cheap. We intend to take budget airline, then stay in at average-star rating hotel.

The countdown begins for my NS liability. 6 more months to go. and it's kind of weird feeling because I have to go out to work. but most importantly, I dun have any benefit. Visit Doc;SPF pay, transport; got concession, got lobang for trips/outings. Once i got my pink IC, all those are gone :(

My hp line is going to "expire" in Oct. I was thinking whether to convert my hp line to MIO plan. But by doing so, I have to sign up with Singtel before I ORD so that i can enjoy their Student plan with 500 free sms to go with. At the same time, i will be paying to sign up new line. But thinking of the long term, i think it will be worth it. Internet and HP line paying for a fixed price.

But if i choose to stick with M1, then i think i upgrade the line before I ORD, to enjoy the student plan and will consider taking $0 hp plan.

all in all, i still got 6 more months to enjoy that.

Crisis @ home

Attempted to book an air tix to thai yesterday, before doing so, i confirmed with my mum whether i can go or not. The reply was a straight No.

I'm at a lost as to force my way to go thai or to stay put in Singapore. Either of the result, i'm stuill going to spend the budgeted $400 that i am going to spend in thai.

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My mum ran my life. and i'm sick of all these. I typed what i remembered at the time of writing-

1. Changed my master hand; from left to right. Causing me some problem in playing racquet games, well, though it's nothing big issue
2. Wanted me to follow her lifestyle
3. A dictator, like, Adolf Hitler. (sry, i can't say LKY in case i'm charged for defamation or slandering)
4. Running my life.

She took the clothes from my cupboard and wanted to find some old clothes and convert them to home clothes. while doing so, she took some of my favourite old clothes and she cut off the sleeves to make it sleeveless. Those shirt she deemed un-weawrable, awful, etc. she would took them out. though she did ask me whether I still want or not, and despite saying yes, she still argued with me and said, it's not nice, therefore, i'm going to convert them.

well given the past medical histories she got, i didnt' really want to argue or fight with her as i intend to stay at home over the weekends and i dun want any unpleasant thing to happen. so fine, now. i'm going to think what shirt i can wear now.

I'm thinking of whether i am going to buy new shirt as i'm saving money for driving and thai trip, and i'm still admandant to go coz she really took a lot of shirt from my cupboard.

I'm really very unhappy living with a dictator. there's no room for me to say anything. She is only interested in running her lifestyle onto me and i'm sick of her.

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I ran a bit today but gave up soon as the thoughts of what happen between my parents.

Mother

Like any other woman, she wished to be doted by a guy (which is my father la) who love her. She told her off over something that i found that's it's really important to him as well as me. His retirement, and health.

Father

Like all guys, they want their wives to be less naggy so that they can enjoy peace. He treated her scoldings and telling-off sessions as nagging and as something a chore for her. Something negative; something useless. As a result, did not heed her advices

Me

The aftermath of the scoldings / telling-off sessions, i'm the one who are suffering:

1. I'm always a package (and not my bro) when my mum's negative mood was activated. Eg: If my mum scolds my dad, i'm in for it. and vice versa
2. They will come and complain to me individually and seperately whilst/after the quarrels.

Who is more 烦? I am guessing my time, energy and finance will be used to take care my parents as soon as i'm working

My mother has a weird habit. Whenever the quarrels can't be end, she always did stuff like:-

When i was in npcc as a CI

• I complain to your Teacher Officers about ur behaviour at home and ask them to discountinue your service in NPCC

As a volunteer @ Fei Yue

• I'm going to complain about your behaviour at home to your supervisor, etc.... [to make thing worst, there's one centre just opp my blk. -.-]

Don't doubt her promise as she is likely to fulfil it.

So now, for some, you will know why i dun like to tell/update her about things i did. Whenever i tell her things, she find ways to attack me, if not now, then it's later.

I was so sick of her that i stopped running and went to my house's nearest playground to take a seat and for the 1st time, i rested on the chair and stared blankly at the sky. GOSH, i guess i'm turning crazy quite soon.

4722

Woke up to play game! had a bit workout.. then went out to have breakfast with my mum.

Halfway the shopping for groceries, my mum wanted to buy 4D and i thought since i am so lucky this week, maybe i can get some winnings too..

so i buy this number that i got it from when i went for Final Theory Test. and i think that station was my lucky betting station because most of the WC winnings are being placed from there.

Alrite.. and i decided to bet 4722. In the past, when i bought, i didn't have this "IBet" system. so therefore, i thought i should bet the number with IBet.

So i bought 4722 and the test date, 0315, and spent $8 on these 2 set of number.



Come evening, when the result draw, 4722 was drawn.

BUT, dun be too happy yet. After some calculations from my mdm, i only won $12.

Why was it so? It's because the Ibet priced $1 for every kind of permutation. "4722", "4272", "4227", etc..

so, since you only use $1 [depending on how much u bet. if you bet $2, then it will be $2] to place bet on all kind of permutations, meaning to say, when you struck, your number will divide no the number of permutations, in this case, it's 12. and i only get $12 after $150/12 permutations, [eh, i think so it's like that la]

To make thing worse, the drawn number is excatly the same number i placed my bet. as such, there are no any permutations change

Since, i placed $8 bet on 2 numbers, i only manage to win $4 ,in the end. Omg, i should have place $1 big and i would have won $150!!



But never mind la, can't be greedy and i earn myself 1 day of meal allowance.

some eye teaser for you all



find the missing part, twin. since you said you are so capable of looking small items.

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY, YINGJIA!!

Lost

After re-read what I'd wrote for the past few entries, I realised that my entries were totally not up to standard.. in the sense that I didn't really write what actually happened before, and I just wrote the main points.

Gosh.

Whatever was it, I don't intend to go back to those entries and edit them. (except for the previous one)

I was in this bus 985 and there was this reckless bus driver who drove like as if he was racing. Stop and start so suddenly. And he was so reckless in his driving that, there was a couple of standing passengers who lost their footing and grip on the poles. So I decided to make a feedback in his driving skills. And those long paragraphs were the content of the feedback.

So, what happen yesterday?

Went off 30 mins earlier from work, and i will have to compensate 30 mins today as i went off early because I was going to BBDC for my Final Theory Test.

I must say that I am quite lousy as i failed 2 times previously and yesterday was my 3rd test. Coincidenlly, ST took the same test at the same date and time, just that we are at different locations. Sekali, we tackled the same qns.

Anyway, both of us came out a happy men. Yup, you all never see wrongly. We passed the test. He was more optimisitic as he finished the test like 15 mins earlier than me and I was the last one to leave the room with like 3+ mins to go.

Printed the result slip and went home. and I'm starting to plan my date for my driving lessons.

But ST can start driving liao :'(

Lastly, i would like to thanks my NS colleagues who wished me good luck and the tests they given to me, ST, Raq, my deers, YJ.

Feedback

I boarded this bus on my way to work. the details were mentioned below.

The bus driver accelerated very fast and upon almost every traffic lights or bus stops, he will apply an emergency-like of brake. He braked hard and at the last few metres at the bus stop.

Initially, the passengers strength was less so hardly anyone was standing, but as it reaches Jln Jurong Kechil area, the passengers were increasing and as it reaches Opp Blk 19 of Jln Jurong Kechil road, one of the standing passengers nearly fall down but only with the help of the other passengers, she managed to recover.

I hope your company will look into this matter. Thanks

A feedback of a SMRT bus

alrite, some nervous moment tomorrow. I'll be having my FTT tomorrow. Hopefully, i will pass. Hmm, "Everything will come in threes" hopefully that will be my last time. Let me be blessed.

Following my dad's footstep

Muahahaha, what a good day to start my week.

Scored marksman for my shooting today and meaning to say i will be rewarded $200 for that. but i have to admit it was very very lucky as the scored was on the border.

the scoring criteria was that to score marksman for 2 components, and only then, you will be marked as marksman for the shooting test. Scored marksman on either one of the components are not enough to get a marksman though the scoreline is over.

whatever it is, i was over the moon as i was very very lucky with, first, the borderline score, and the fact that i missed a bullet as my revolver got stuck in the holster. so by the time i'm going to fire my last bullet in the revolver, the target sheet flipped closed and at the same time, the bullet oozed over to the edge of the target sheet instead of the target.

and i'm very proud that i can follow my dad's footstep as he was a marksman and a remarkable one as he represented his battalion for shooting test.

There will be soccer tomorrow with man utd and Best Euro XI. somehow, i will not be able to watch it as i dun have SCV.

TWIN, good luck to your appeal result! :)

Me? Dirty? Maybe

I bought TNP yesterday and the headline was that, there is this rape game available on the internet and i thought it was really very disgusted because how can that be a game and everybody in a sec sch class, reported in TNP, knows about this game.

Well, hopefully, none of my friends played such a game.

Well, this news actually triggered something that keep bothering me

Like i mentioned in the previous entry, that my relatives from msia came. Auntie and a female cousin.

and they settled in my room while i slept in my bro's room. So in the morning, i realised that i forgot to take out 2 things and so i went in and i took a long time because i misplaced one of the thing. After searching quite some time, i decided to give up and went out of the room.

so when i came home after work, while having dinner, my mother popped me this qns:

Mum: What did you do in the room so long?
Mum: You touched your cousin right?

in front of my father, my auntie and my cousin.

OK. I dun mind losing "face" as i am not the kind of person who cares much about "face". but it was the trust that isn't there as my cousin and aunite responsed:

relatives: 不会的啦
relatives: dun siao (don't be crazy)

Not only the above sceranio, other situations like:

1.) When news reported case like this student threatened a gal to go out with her, if not, he will publish her nude photos over the internet.

their response? Weida, you did it? Be careful of these ppl hor. etc..

that was quite mild..

2.) Dirty websites

their response? Weida, u go to such website? I said i didn't know of this. they said, dun lie. (which is the fact) It's even on the newspaper, how can u don't know?

3.) Sick actions

their response? Inolved in those upskirts photos, etc.. those perverts can think of. and my parents came to me asked me whether i did those? and after replying no. they still dun believe me and keep telling me to stop.. etc..

well, now i lost the mood to argue those issues with them. so when they brought up those, i just say nothing.

From these, it seemed they don't trust me as well as them because they think they groomed their son as a world-class sick perverts.

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went out with twin on thursday instead to work! haha.. had some miscommunication regarding the meeting time and as a result, both of us were shagged at the end of the day. Knocking out before 10pm.

i got back my laptop without doing any repairs yesterday, for a month -.-

brought these heavy laptop out to IT Show. Bought a 1 GB SD card at $13.90 for my digital camera.

now my father tried to dissuade me to go thai in May. shall see how...........

No topic

Rushing work at workplace yesterday.. and brought work home to do.. and to make thing worst, it was raining heavily. and that really jammed up the traffic along PIE .

haha, thanks god, twin called and we chatted along my way home. THANKS

so by the time i went home and settled down, it was like 7.45 pm. So, from there i worked until 12.30 am. YAWN!!

went to sleep and that's how and what i did yesterday.. so stupid...


on my way to work today, my tummy ached. and i was thinking, omg it's a 1-hr journey. i'm goign to have a terrible time. well, but nevertheless, i die-die have to control the my anus. Otherwise, think of the embrassesment and the mess i made.

Anyway, that's not the 1st tiem experience. in fact, it's the 3rd time. 3 times going to the same place. what a coincidence.

for 3 times, i wonder how i managed to pull it through. but it was hell lotsa of torture. Trying to act normal and at the same time, control ur anus, as it gets longer. and that's when u sit down

after a long torturous 1 hr of journey, alighted and the pain came back. Control my anus, hugging onto my tummy, i tried to walk. and every steps i made, i wish the toilet is just in front of me. but the journey is so damn long la!

anyway, work was fine. finished up waht i wanna did. had ORD lunch. and played soccer for Recreation Training session and i SCORED A GOAL!!!!

rushed home, as my cousin from msia came down.

Updates

Alrite.. like i mentioned in my last post.. that i was lazy.. and i think i'm still lazy now.. to quite update my blog..

only under the influence of Anita, Elyn, Raq, Yingjia and my Twin (in order of appearances).

anyway, nothing much dramatic happen in my life. Goes home, comes back, goes home and come back

Went to lib and pick up a Thai Lang via book. Can't learn much, i should say.

some highlights for this month will be:

• sun tanning.
• pushing my fitness for ippt.
• ORD IPPT shooting.. hope that i can get marksman which is to say i can get $100.
• going out with twin on thur the whole day
• crashing lect pretty soon in SIM/NUS/NTU
• Final Theory Test

Been fantastically saving well for this month though there are quite a couple of outings. been targetting to spend $200 a month and it's going very well. Well, in no time, i will have a decent savings.. that's what i finally want.

I think i need more friends to encourage me to blog.. so tag more