i'm so surprised with the same 3 reactions.

i don't know whether you all are angry because:

1. i'm not giving any reason or,
2. because i decided i am not going to be with u all, or,
3. other reasons, etc...

whatever the reason is, i think you all are right. i'm irresponsible for not giving u all answers. I don't know whether this decision was a rash one.

I feel that i'm taken granted. that's what at least i'm feeling...

S
I think u're one that i love and dislike at the same time. I like the no. of times u called me and chatted with me, in the past. It was good.

and shortly after we re-communicate, ur birthday was coming. u said u wanna a skirt and i got that for you. and while doing window shopping, u said u wanan a top, but didnt' get it. I don't know whether you were trying to hint me or i'm thinking too much. but my intention was to get one for you. hopefully you will get cheer up or something.

then JY sms a week before my birthday last year saying wanan celebrate bdae for me.. etc.. i was happy, coz.. u and mad were in. then said, postpone because JY couldn't make it.

Alrite, i thought. so i waited and waited like a ____ even for months and months , hoping that i received somthing from either one of you all. But it never happened. u mentioned in ur blog that u felt bad for not having anything (other than u bdae sms wish), etc. I was like thinking it was nonsense. because, u said one thing and did another and ur blog entried a lot of fun and happening activity with mad and ur other friends. and i was like thinking, how effortless u were. i dun know what's ur reason. but that's what i felt.

U and JY had a kind of bdae celebration with ur colleague. maybe it's due to work committment and time differences. so i was like thinking, "what am i actually to both of u, etc.." when u said all those in ur blog. it jsut doesnt' tally..

I can understand what poke was feeling about ur blocked msn thingy. (never mind about she accused u of blocking her). but i think that was something i brought up early this year. so i dun wish to talk more.

Y
well, i think u really have nothing to do with that. it's very very unfair to you. All i know, i still treasure you. bought u present since i thought i bought SK present a year ago, and didn't for last year. so i thought it's fair in treatment somewhere this year. so chose that brand. and that's something i dun wish to own because it's too expensive for me. yup

M
u contributed in planning for my bdae celebration. and thanks for that effort. Hmm, i know u dun like a person. and when she initated to me that she wishes to get a present for you. I dun know whether u will acccept or not but i know u kinda her, so i chipped in the present hoping it can cushion the negative impact despite that i already shared another present.
hmm, btw, Good luck for ur final paper later on.

I meant, i felt i'm taxed on my energy, finance, etc... I think and feel i am giving out a lot than receiving in. ok, u all might argue we didn't ask u to commit so much. and btw, I didn't say i wanna break off all contacts. I only said dun call me out unnecessary, if there is.

i'm not a sweet talker. not going to say anything nice out from these. i'm lost, coz i never expect such a strong reaction from the 3 of u all. in fact, i expect no reaction from u all.

i'm not sure what will happen next. i can only react on step-by-step and yup, i started everything. but i thought it was enough though it was quite unwillingly.

but of course, if u all hate me, u all should feel so rightfully