Why?

Do u all know what the thing(s) i most hate in myself?

I'm not good at expressing my emotion, should it be directly and or indirectly.

Should it be building friendship, maintaining one.. or even disposing of one.

and maybe that explains why female friend of mine, i think , are kinda avoiding me. why? i wish to know too
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I received a letter from HomeTeamNS informing that i won in a lucky draw and wanted me to submit a size no. of my shoe to them. ehh.. lucky ah

and received a letter from SMU telling me that i am not good enough for their sch though they put it in a nice way.

We dun wanna associate any poor student with us - Peng Weida (2006)
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I had an empathic 2 short relationships, yet it was something the best in my life.

The 1st encounter - I liked her when we were in sec 3. She showed her willinglyness to improve her results, her intelligence, her inner and external beauty. She had everything i like. Though i dun like gal smoking, but i put that aside. Maybe i knew all the good thing before i gotta know her that she smoke.

I was like a some shy guy who wanna know more about her, get closer to her. Everytime, without her knowing, i will turn my head and admire her and will dazzle on her way of talking, writing - in fact, anything she did.

Come sec 4. She was sitting even near to me. ok, 4 tables from me, better than 8 tables when in sec 3. Same thing as what i did - admire her, as usual. This time round, i'm getting nearer and nearer to her. Her relationship with her then-bf, who happened to be my pri sch mate, was rocky. Hmm, The 1st time that i took photo with her, was also one of the happiest day too. She had her hand over my shoulder and i remembered it was the day of racial harmony Celebration.

I dun know how we went along. so on the night of 1st Aug 2000, 9.00.51 pm, she answered to my qns: to be my gf. I couldn't believe what my ears heard. Maybe it was something that i never came across, therefore i find it hard to believe. I was, then, extremely happy and joyful.

But the same me, was feeling shy. Didn't react well like a bf. Hmm...... sometimes i wish that i can be more expressive. So, 2 weeks later, we were off to friends. and we still acknowledge that we are friends now.

The 2nd encounter - I gotta know her through her sis when i was in sec 5. I forgot the way we knew each other. All i know is that i found her very caring, very thoughtful, cheerful, active. kinda like me in some way. I found myself attracted to her characters. She is 4 years younger than me. It was 8th Aug 2001, 10.10 am when we were together.

I forgot those days before we were together, but i will never forget the days after we were together. She waited for me in school after her lessons, and vice versa. I never came across such committment for The 1st encounter though it's something small and easy thing to do. When we were in Ferris Wheel. etc..

One of the recess for upper sec, i saw her walking towards to our school parade square, tailing Principal. Immediately, i felt bad things gonna happen. I don't know what was the principal doing.

I was hurt and i am hurt as i'm writing this. The principal was talking to her. Though i dun know what he told her, my 6th sense was telling me it's about me and her. She shouldn't be treated this way. She's fragile, She's young then. I didn't say anything about this to her and she didn't tell me anything about this.

We were off 2 weeks from the start. I broke down. It was terrible. Call me a weak guy if u all want. It took me quite a long time for me to forget. And i was like a living zombie living in my world before O level preparation took over my soul.